The Slippery Slope of Peacemaking: a resource for understanding conflict resolution by Ken Sande

As we walk through a series on unity, I was reminded of a message I gave several years ago about working through conflict in relationships. I utilized a resource developed by Ken Sande, author of The Peacemaker and Resolving Everyday Conflict, called “the slippery slope of peacemaking.” I still find this to be a helpful resource, so I thought I’d share it again here.

There are a variety of ways we can respond to conflict in our lives. Sande highlights a spectrum of dealing with conflict and seeking peace. The the top of the slope is where we want to be in proactively dealing with conflict by making peace. The extremes are the tendencies we move toward as we slip off the path of pursuing peace in our conflicts.

slope

I summarized Sande’s “slippery slope” around three ideas:

1. Peace-faking by avoiding or escaping conflict. This is typified in the life of Jacob who steals his brother’s birthright, deceives his father and then flees from the conflict by hiding with his uncle, Laban (see Genesis 28). The problem with avoiding or escaping from conflict is that, except in extreme circumstances, it puts us into greater difficulties than before and we still have to deal with the conflict in the end.

2. Peace-breaking by attacking others in response to conflict. We find this in brunt reality when Cain is incensed by God’s favor toward his brother Abel. In rage, he kills his brother Abel instead of actually trying to work through the tensions with Abel or with God (see Genesis 4).

3. Peace-making by choosing a pathway toward resolving conflict and bringing deep peace. This happens when we live into the realities of the gospel of peace (see Ephesians 2) and make the statement of James our motto: “Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness” ( (James 3:18).

You can read a much more detailed description of the slippery slope at Ken Sande’s web-site here.

Becoming One: the developing unity of the church as the community of Christ

As we continued our series, “One: The Being of God in the Life of the Church,” this past weekend at Eastbrook Church I turned a corner from our focus on God’s part in bringing unity to our part in upholding unity. The first message in the series, “God is One,” explored how unity comes through the Triune God’s indwelling presence, and the second message, “Made One,” explored how Jesus brought unity with God and humanity at the Cross. Now we look at how we are becoming one as we choose to uphold unity through selfless love.

You can view the message video and outline below. You can follow along with the entire series here and the devotional that accompanies the series here. You could always join us for weekend worship in-person or remotely via Eastbrook at Home.


“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus…I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord.” (Philippians 2:5; 4:2)

The Philippian Challenge (Philippians 4:2)

  • We are one, but we don’t live like it
  • Even the mature suffer disunity and conflict

The Philippian Solution (Philippians 2:1-11; 2:12-13)

  • Choosing a different way (2:1-4)
  • Having the mindset as Christ Jesus (2:5-11)
    • pouring out (kenosis)
    • taking on servanthood
    • humble obedience
    • from humiliation to exaltation
  • Working out salvation with God’s power (2:12-13)

How Do We Uphold Unity in the Face of Conflict?

  • Live out of the overflow of life with God
  • Seek humility instead of vain conceit
  • Look to others’ interests instead of pursuing selfish ambition
  • Cultivate the same mindset as Christ Jesus

Dig Deeper

This week dig deeper into the theme of the unity of our Triune God in one or more of the following ways:

The Weekend Wanderer: 7 November 2020

The Weekend Wanderer” is a weekly curated selection of news, stories, resources, and media on the intersection of faith and culture for you to explore through your weekend. Wander through these links however you like and in any order you like.


Brooks - happiness“Are We Trading Our Happiness for Modern Comforts?” – This article by Arthur Brooks in The Atlantic explores an important reality: “One of the greatest paradoxes in American life is that while, on average, existence has gotten more comfortable over time, happiness has fallen….amid these advances in quality of life across the income scale, average happiness is decreasing in the U.S. The General Social Survey, which has been measuring social trends among Americans every one or two years since 1972, shows a long-term, gradual decline in happiness—and rise in unhappiness—from 1988 to the present. There are several possible explanations for this paradox: It could be that people are uninformed about all of this amazing progress, that we can’t perceive progress very well when it occurs over decades, or that we are measuring the wrong indicators of ‘quality of life.’ I suspect the answer is all three. The last idea, however, is especially important to understand in order to improve our own happiness.”


Li-Young LeeLi-Young Lee reads “Changing Places in the Fire” – I needed a break from politics this week, no matter how hard that was to find, so I turned to other things to fill my mind and heart, such as poeetry. Li-Young Lee is a powerful poet who I heard in person while I was an undergraduate student studying literature. This recent poem by Lee plays with the concept of the word/Word through a form of poetic conversation. “There are words, I say, / and there is The Word. / Every word is a fluctuating flame / to a wick that dies. / But The Word, The Word / is a ruling sum and drastic mean, / the standard that travels / without moving.”


iceberg“Spiritual Practices for Public Leadership”  – With his characteristic insight, Andy Crouch offers fine wisdom for spiritual leadership in the public sphere. “Being a public person—someone who is recognized by people who do not actually know us personally—can be a lot like being a cruise ship. We are rewarded for cultivating the parts of our lives that are visible: our talents, our opinions, our appearance. And while the most spectacular cruise ships on the public ocean may be the people we call celebrities, the unique reality of life in the age of social media is that we are almost all public now, publishing a version of our life to gain others’ attention and, we almost always hope, approval.  This kind of life carries with it grave threats to our health, and the safety of those around us. Without spiritual practices to guard against the unique temptations of public life, we will likely drift into narcissism and exploitation. Sooner or later we will hit an iceberg—and the testimony of maritime history is that when a cruise ship meets an iceberg, the iceberg wins.”


Jamie Smith - public art“Attention as Prayer: Public Art in the Pandemic” – “Simone Weil once said that ‘Attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as prayer.'” Building from this idea, James K. A. Smith takes us along on his morning jog through Grand Rapids to help us recover attention to the beauty around us, specifically in the form of public art in the beauty-drained times of the pandemic.


church-groningen“New Bible translation goes back to capital letters to refer to Him” – Most English Bible translations no longer use capitalized pronouns for God, a move which reflects changes in language over time and perhaps also translation or editing challenges. However, a new Dutch translation of the Bible, while not attempting to become archaic, has reintroduced the capitalization of pronouns referring to God. “The Bible translation most commonly used in Protestant churches in the Netherlands, has been modernised but capital letters have returned to refer to God. The NVB21, which stands for the new Bible translation for the 21st century, has been altered in 12,000 places making it ‘better, sharper and more powerful’, the Dutch Bible association NBG said.”


unlearning“On Unlearning” – Here’s Kirsten Sanders at the Mere Orthodoxy blog: “The problem with Theology done at a critical remove is that we can become untethered from love of God and so untethered from the Other. It is then that we begin talking mostly about ourselves. Even ‘transcendence,’ often referred to, longingly, can be misappropriated as the erotic longing of the soul. This happens slowly, but it begins when the initial orienting love of God is forgotten. Anselm’s ‘where can I find you?’ is based in trust, but it can become a cry of despair.”


Music: Chris Lizotte, “Peace Be With You,” from Long Time Comin’

[I do not necessarily agree with all the views expressed within the articles linked from this page, but I have read them myself in order to make me think more deeply.]

Made One: the positional unity of the church in Jesus Christ

This past weekend at Eastbrook Church we continued our series entitled “One: The Being of God in the Life of the Church.” The first message in the series, “God is One,” explored how unity comes through the Triune God’s indwelling presence. This second message looks at how Jesus is the One who both brings salvation and creates unity within the church.

You can view the message video and outline for the message is below. You can follow along with the entire series here and the devotional that accompanies the series here. You could always join us for weekend worship in-person or remotely via Eastbrook at Home.


“His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace,  and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility.” (Ephesians 2:15-16)

The Saving Work of the One God (Ephesians 2:1-10)

  • The barrier between God and humanity
  • The barrier broken down
  • The movement from death to life in Christ

The Unifying Work of the One God (Ephesians 2:11-22; 3:4-6)

  • The barrier between humanity one with another
  • The barrier broken down
  • One new humanity in Christ

The Oneness of God’s People as the Body of Christ (Ephesians 2:15; Romans 12:3-8)

  • One Body in Christ
  • Unity within Diversity
  • Diversity within Unity

Dig Deeper

This week dig deeper into the theme of the unity of our Triune God in one or more of the following ways:

A Prayer to Know God in Stillness

“Since then, no prophet has risen in Israel like Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face.” (Deuteronomy 34:10)

“Inner silence is absence of any sort of inward stirring or emotion or thought, but it is complete alertness, openness to God.” – Anthony Bloom

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God,
have mercy on me, a sinner.
In my agitated being
bring wholeness and comprehensive peace.

Still the windswept ripplings on the surface,
as well as the deeper, unseen churnings below,
so that—healed, whole, quiet, and still—
my soul might reflect Your glory and unity of being.

Grace me to walk from this hour in that way,
that all I meet might encounter You in me
and that, even in the harried hours before me,
I might always return to the stillness found in You.