A number of months ago, while studying in a coffee shop, I entered into a conversation with a guy sitting next to me about church. He was a follower of Jesus, but had some hang-ups with church and previous experiences. Let me say that he was not a young guy but a middle-aged guy , so he’s not one of those “I’m sick of the church” young adults. He is actively involved in a solid church in the area.
One of the things he mentioned that had frustrated him about churches, especially in the greater Milwaukee area, was that he has never felt overly welcomed and loved from the moment that he has arrived. Instead, he has more often felt like people in the churches were asking him why he was there, like he was under the microscope as a newcomer.
Now, I know that many churches strive to be welcoming places, but do not always succeed. So, after talking with this guy, I couldn’t help but ask a series of questions about churches in general, and my church more specifically:
- Are we radically welcoming?
- Do we help people feel loved from the moment they enter our parking lots to the moment they enter our worship center or get to classrooms?
- How do we go out of our way to greet new people and ask them questions about their lives?
- How good are we at making it clear how people take next steps to find their place at our church?
I would love to hear from you about how you are answering those questions at your church, but also what your experiences have been – whether positive or negative – of going to a church for the first few times.
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Matthew Erickson 
Matt,
I am one of those that have difficulty “connecting”. Yes, you know I go to church and am involved… and can? be outgoing and personable. However, deep down it is more comfortable for me to deal with people on a much smaller level and not in a “group”. I am not a chatty person and find that difficult to maintain on a constant level. Now having given you a personality description, let me tell you what a frustration it is to meet different people every week.. and try to connect with them. So the 5 minute greet during the service is mostly ineffective for someone like me since the new people aren’t more singled out. I need a more constant connection with the ‘SAME’ person for a number of week or it is difficult to accomplish a real connection.
I have no way of figuring this out except to tell you when I was a bus kid going to church by myself an elderly lady named Mrs. White did exactly that continuously for a long time until she found me involved and not needing her every week… she really loved me without letting me know I was probably her mission field. As I grew in age and became a teenager (still attending without a parent) I was blessed with several families that embraced me and included me in their family activities essentially tying their rope to mine and entwining themselves into my life becoming a wonderful example of what a Christian family actually looked like. I held on to these families until I was on my own. It was then that I lost fellowship with these people and wondered away from the Lord, but PTL, another church embraced me and my husband again in a similar way and we were again in a church family. Okay, yes I have given you a testimony here, but this way worked! I would love to be a “Mrs. White” in someone’s life, if I only knew? who they were. – Still searching for ways to serve the Lord.
-Anita
Anita,
Thank you for sharing your personal story of being welcomed and loved into a church. I think that we look for programs to do this, but it is often in unsystematic and relational ways that God helps us reach out to one person after another. What a beautiful story of God’s pathway in your life.
I hope and pray you find those meaningful ways to be a “Mrs. White” for another, even at your current church home.
Matt
Our church, Anglican tradition, is warm and friendly. We’ve made contact beyond the church with a few outreach activities, e.g. Thanksgiving meal at church, the wildly popular blessing of the pets. But it’s difficult to get traction on that last step: making it clear how people take next steps. As a suburban church, one challenge is the socioeconomic division; another the population spread over a geographical region. For example, one new acquaintance at the pet blessing lived a few suburbs away (which meant for her 30+ miles one way). We’re a young church and want to ensure our DNA is outreach with the gospel, not an afterthought. Another question is how do we connect to those who work during the week so that they’re fed and don’t feel like a recruit?
Teri,
Thank you for your comments on this post. I appreciate what’s hearing in your local church.
The automobile-orientation of our culture these days makes it very different to help people make the next steps into a local church. We run into some of the same things in an urban church. The idea of a ‘parish’ church where people are connected through the neighborhood is not the norm anymore, but some are revitalizing it.
It is possible, I think, to help people connect through the week through small groups, whether in the evening or through business-people groups that meet over lunch during the workday. Other means for doing this that I’ve explored are:
– early morning or evening prayer gatherings that folks can connect to on either side of the workday
– email or blog devotional thoughts for community comment online
– lunch gatherings
What ideas do you have to combat this ‘recruit’ mentality?
Excellent post Matt – I will be sure to circulate this through FB and Twitter. Blessings, Jim
Thank you, Jim. I hope it spurs some good thought and activity through your networks.
I think the opposite can also be true. I currently attend a church that is TOO welcoming. Any time I bring visitors I warn them as we’re walking in, “As soon as we go around the corner there’s going to be a man who will ask if it’s your first time here. Say no. If you don’t, he’ll pull you aside, make you fill out a card, and talk for almost ten minutes. He’s really bad with faces. He asked me if it was my first time here for the first year I attended.”
He’s got the best of intentions, but it’s incredibly overwhelming if you’re a first time visitor.
< Katie
Katie,
I hate to say that I laughed out loud when I read your comment. I completely understand what you are saying and sometimes attempts at being welcoming can be more freaky than helpful.
Being too welcoming in the way you mentioned is actually counter-productive for the church in that it raises barriers to people being involved with the church in the end.
At the same time, what I also noticed in what you wrote is that this ‘welcoming’ person simply does not remember names of those he talks with. While this is a huge challenge (something I’m experiencing by being a new pastor at a church), we need to do our utmost to actually remember who people are.
Thanks for commenting!