Characteristics of True Friendship: excerpts from the Book of Proverbs

This past weekend as part of our series, “The Pursuit of God: The Life of David,” Will Branch explored the friendship between David and Jonathan. When I think about what true friendship looks like, I often turn toward the book of Proverbs, which speaks a lot about our relationships, particularly friendship.

As the book of Proverbs offers practical guidance about life, work, family, finances, friendships, integrity, and relying on God, it starts all of this discussion upon two key ideas.

The first is that all of life starts with God. We hear that in Proverbs 1:7—“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction” (Proverbs 1:7)—that is, all of life flows from God and we need to have an appropriate reverence or respect for God in life.

The second is that our lives are a journey of growth intended to take us from immaturity to maturity. That is described in Proverbs 2:1-10.

When we turn to the book of Proverbs on friendship, it is important to remember that friendship is a gift from God. God is the source of friendship, whether with believers or unbelievers, and friendship is part of our journey of growth—maturing—in life. So, let’s explore some characteristics of friendship within Proverbs.

True friendship takes discernment (Proverbs 18:24; 22:24-25)

• “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin” – or, as another translation puts it, “A man of many companions may come to ruin,” “but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24, NIV)
• “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.” (Proverbs 22:24-25)

True friendship is sensitive to others’ circumstances (Proverbs 25:17, 20)

• “Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house— too much of you, and they will hate you.” (Proverbs 25:17)
• “Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.” (Proverbs 25:20)

True friendship offers wise advice (Proverbs 27:9)

• “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.” (Proverbs 27:9)

True friendship speaks the truth, even when it is hard (Proverbs 27:6; 15:31)

• “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” (Proverbs 27:6)
• “Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise.” (Proverbs 15:31)
• True friendship perseveres (Proverbs 17:17)
• “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)

Given all these characteristics, what might it mean to put these characteristics into practice? Let me offer a few questions for us to consider:

How can we put our friendships into God’s hands?

How might we grow as a true friend?

Are there aspects of our lives or life rhythms that hinder us from being true friends?

How can we join in with what God is doing in others’ lives?