The Ugly Side of Community

Community . . . community . . . community. Everywhere you turn, inside and outside of the church, people are obsessed with talking about community.

This is a good thing insofar as it combats the individualistic tendencies of our society. When we stop thinking about the world as millions of autonomous selves and more as related parts, we are headed in the right direction.

However, the manner in which people discuss community more often than not disappoints me. It is most commonly left at a superficial level. You know, the sort of community that lasts the few hours of a weeknight gathering, a weekend-long retreat, or online communities where people know little of one another’s everyday lives. The word community is used, but the reality being discussed lacks true depth.

More pointedly, I am coming to terms with the fact that community is not about people like me. It’s easy to be in community, or at least on congenial terms, with people who are similar to you: similar musical tastes, similar clothing tastes, similar discussion interests, similar stages of life, similar political leanings, similar biting critiques of other people.

This sort of community of sameness reminds me of Jesus’ powerful statement: “You will be greatly blessed when you love those comfortably like you.” Hmm. I think that is from one of the apocryphal gospels, like Thomas, or something.

What Jesus really says is this: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35).

Look around the room when Jesus said this. There is Simon Peter, that abrasive and over-talkative attention-getter. And James and John, the glorious ‘Sons of Thunder’ who always seemed concerned with getting the places close to Jesus. Good old Thomas, whose skepticism and ‘glass is half full’ understanding of things could bring a sour tone to things. And Simon the Zealot, who, after these many months together, is still talking about Jesus starting a fiery political revolution. Not to much everyone else, some of whom seem to skulk behind the scenes with little to say about anything. It’s a miracle that these 12 guys didn’t argue all of the time about everything . . . oh, they did.

It’s also interesting that they apparently changed the topic once Jesus emphasized this loving one another idea again. “You’ve said that before and we already know about,” they might say. “Move on, Jesus. Give us the good stuff about what’s next.”

It’s sort of like us.

Look around the room next time you’re gathered with other followers of Jesus. See the different faces: some attractive, some homely, some happy, some depressed, some attentive, some distracted, some awake, some sleeping.

Think about the person you just bumped into at the door whom you’ve never met beyond an awkward initial conversation.

Think about the person across the room you would rather not have to talk to or about, let alone see.

Think about the people you’re glad you haven’t seen this time. Don’t deny your sigh of relief.

If only Jesus had formed a community out of something other than ordinary, irritating, disagreeable, quirky people. Life would certainly have been easier for all of us. But also lonely and less true.

Community does not exist without quirkiness, disagreement, awkwardness, and difference. We – all of us so different and distinct – are made one in Christ Jesus. Just as he held that rag-tag group of disciples together, he holds us together.

The ugly side of community is that we are repulsed by community in this more true way. More often than not, we sell out for a paltry and superficial community that is easy and romantic, not letting our dreaminess be interrupted by the reality of you and me being made one through the tough love of Christ.

His love is tough because it cost Him everything to make us one, and twice tough because it costs us everything to really love one another as a community.

4 thoughts on “The Ugly Side of Community

  1. Excellent article. I pray that God will take me out of my comfort zone and reach out to those who have needs. It’s not enough to be polite to guests; we have to make room for them in our lives and community.

  2. Excellent article. I pray that God will take me out of my comfort zone and reach out to those who have needs. It’s not enough to be polite to guests; we have to make room for them in our lives and community.

  3. Just thought I’d chime in and let ya know that there’s a great book by John Ortberg called “Everybody’s Normal Until You Get to Know Them.” The underlying theme is that everyone in our communities comes with an “as-is” tag. As in accepting everyone as they are, just as they. My small group read it and it’s a great book about community.

  4. Just thought I’d chime in and let ya know that there’s a great book by John Ortberg called “Everybody’s Normal Until You Get to Know Them.” The underlying theme is that everyone in our communities comes with an “as-is” tag. As in accepting everyone as they are, just as they. My small group read it and it’s a great book about community.

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