It is one thing to talk about forgiveness of sin and another thing to talk about how we respond when others sin against us.
Earlier this week, I wrote about the necessity of complete forgiveness from Jesus’ words in Luke 17:
If a brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them. (Luke 17:3-4)
We must completely forgive those who sin against us. That is the thrust behind Jesus’ mention of “seven times in a day,” which conveys comprehensive and habitual action.
But three words in that same teaching from Jesus stand out alongside of the word ‘forgive’ and ‘sin’: ‘if’, ‘rebuke’. and ‘repent’. Jesus presents forgiveness as part of a relational cycle:
- if someone sins against you, rebuke them
- if they repent, forgive them
Clearly, Jesus places His teaching emphasis upon forgiveness. At the same time, we must recognize that His words on the importance of forgiveness concurrently place an emphasis on dealing with sin in an appropriate way. Here are some thoughts we should consider from Jesus’ words about dealing with sin so that we can forgive:
- Expect sin: The fact that Jesus must teach His disciples about sin and forgiveness reveals that we should expect to be sinned against in our sin-packed world.
- Address sin directly: Jesus says that when we are sinned against we should not ignore it, get bitter about it inside ourselves, or talk about it behind someone’s back. We should directly talk to the person who has sinned against us about the wrong.
- Rebuke does not hide sin: The word ‘rebuke’ means to address or overcome with a powerful word. A rebuke does not mince words about wrongdoing, but speaks clearly about the sin.
- Aim for repentance and reconciliation: The goal of a rebuke is repentance – turning from sin – and reconciliation – the restoration of relationship. When we approach someone who has wronged us, we must come hoping for good in the conversation, both for them and for us.
- Words full of grace and truth: If the goal of a rebuke is repentance and reconciliation, then no rebuke should be mean-spirited. Like Jesus, we are called to be full of grace and truth (John 1:17); that is, living in the tension between the truth that calls sin what it is and the grace that seeks to bring good out of evil.
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Matthew Erickson 
Well done, Matt. We can’t talk about forgiveness enough.
Thanks, Laura. Some reading in Matthew’s Gospel led me over to Luke and the next post will be back in Matthew. I hope you and Jeff are doing well.
Hey Matt,
One area of “gray” I have found in the “if/then” responses is really knowing what sin is. And what being sinned against means. I have had times when I felt sinned against, but when it really came down to it, I didn’t like how another person’s words or actions put my ego in check.
The phrase “I forgive you” is a bold statement in a couple of different fashions. At one level, it is definitely an act of the Spirit when one person forgives another in the face of truly being sinned against. But it can also be bold in the sense that when I say it to another person, I better be darn sure that I am forgiving them for sinning against me.
Sometimes saying “I forgive you” can really take the other person aback negatively . . . “and what is it exactly that you are forgiving me for doing?”
Point well taken, Tyler. There are times when the ‘sinned against’ piece can be unclear. For a husband to cheat on his wife is clearly a sin issue by the husband against his wife. The background story must be unearthed but it does not change the sin which is clear cut in that case. There are other times, particularly with attitudes and words, where identifying sin takes further discernment and conversation between two parties.
I’m hoping to post something from Matthew 18 tomorrow. I like the fact that, in the Matthew 18 teaching, Jesus encourages conversation around the concept of pointing out sin. It should be a conversation that, if approached with humility, can move toward understanding and then reconciliation.
I have experienced the awkwardly bold “I forgive you…” statements that were unclear before, and I know what you mean. Many times, the lack of a conversation hinders mutual understanding. Without that, it is difficult to move into authentic forgiveness.
Hi Matt,
I understand forgiveness from the Lukan scripture passage and that is a great thing; it addresses our duty as sinners/’sinnees’ and our responsibilities to each other. However, there are times where this exchange may not be possible or the sinner is unrepentant. In this case is it not still correct to forgive? I would think yes. In this case the forgiver still needs to forgive (to put his own heart at peace) but is not obligated to interact or reconcile with the sinner. Does this make sense? After all, Jesus did say “forgive them Lord for they know not what they do”. Thoughts?
I found this blog this morning as I searched for answers to a difficult situation in our family. i appreciate the words here. @Joe, we are where you are, I believe. A member of our family has committed a heinous crime against several others, including a child, and flatly denies wrongdoing. A marriage will be called to an end today. This is hard.